Regrets

Did I miss out by not going to England? Did I lose something that would have been grand and beautiful and altogether life-changing by going to India instead?

Yes.

I did.

And it pretty much hurts.

Me coming to India initially seemed like a blessing in disguise, as I’d have floundered in the Western system of foreign concepts to me like ‘work’, ‘understanding’ and ‘mugging is bad for you yes it is’…. But I think I needed to flounder. I’m in a course where my current study habits of “Oh-my-Lord-God-it’s-three-in-the-fucking-morning-and-the-exam’s-at-eight” are not really the kind of things one needs to get through well,…. But I’m in a place where they work.

And that doesn’t bode too well for the future.

Plus… Plus… I want to be somewhere ELSE. Somewhere far, far away from here. Anywhere but here. Thank goodness I went to China over the hols. That one week now seems so far away,… But my memories have carried me through a lot of difficult times over the past year.

Beauty is the salve of ones’ soul. The place, the atmosphere, the vibes.. it was so beautiful and new and clear and free and….. Good lord I was just AWAY……. I remember seeing clear water and blue skies and that pulls me through the day. I remember touching stone that felt like cold steel even as the sun baked the air around me and I smile. I remember… I remember feeling full. So full.